When we try to defend ourselves against psychological damage, we do not escape damage. The defensive posture and the defenses themselves are damage. It is most noticeable when the threat is gone, but the defenses persist.

Tragic truth: It is a terrible choice to defend instead of reconcile. Reconciliation is not always possible. Damage is not always avoidable.

If we defend when we could have reconciled we do wrong.

The most important matters confront us with choices and deprive us of rules.

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time for war, and a time for peace.