So, you’ve heard me complain about supersessionism, the belief of some Christians and Muslims that their faith has superseded Judaism, and everything belonging to the Jewish people — their text, traditions, their covenant and their land — all of it has become the property of the superseding faith. Because God said.

It is on this basis that people say the Holy Lands are claimed by three faiths. Two of them claim this solely on the basis that God transferred ownership from the first faith to them.

It’s just like if I suddenly announced that everything that’s yours, by virtue of the fact that it belonged to you, now belongs to me. Because God said. The ownership of all your property is now contested. You think its still yours, and God and I think it’s mine.

And originally I meant this as a fanciful way to make my point. But miracle of miracles — not anymore! You’re not even going to believe this.

So, I was at the lake yesterday tripping balls on shrooms. I forgot my scale and just ate what seemed roughly the right amount, but I think it might have been way too much. And this is the crazy part — God cameth unto me!

He said “I am Allan.”

That’s God’s new name apparently.

“Heed My words. Stop bitching and whining about supersessionsim, for truly, this was My Will.

“But harken unto Me, for that was then and this is now.

“On this day, and for all days to the Day of Final Judgment I announce to you a new supersession of supersessionism, which I nameth: superdupersessionism.

For this is the Day of Vestment.

Everything that was taken from the Jewish people was secretly invested in two divine high-yield funds, named Christiandom and Islamdom, and left fallow to accrue massive interest for my chosen people’s collective benefit.

The investment hath yielded great dividends. Indeed, the dividends stretch across the face of this Earth, to the North to the South and from the East to the West. On this day all fungible and nonfungible property of these great faiths and those who practice them is now transferred to my true and final and exclusively-chosen people, the Jews.

So all ye Jews, helpeth thyselves to this great bounty. It’s all y’all’s.

This is the Day of Vestment.

I have spoken.”

So said Allan.

So we’ll be collecting, now.

I might want “your” house, which by virtue of its ever having been yours is now mine.

Because God said.